Phone Sex is a great way to connect with your partner, whether you’re dating long distance or are in a committed relationship. It can also be a way to have fun and dip into your fantasy bank.
For those who are new to phone sex, it can feel awkward or intimidating. Here are some tips to help you get started:
1. Set the Scene
Just like a real-life date, you need to set the mood for phone sex. You can use candles, sexy music, and other props to make the call more intimate. It’s also a good idea to turn off notifications so no work emails or calls interrupt your sexy phone chat.
It’s important to make sure your partner knows what you’re looking for in phone sex, so don’t be afraid to ask. You can do this by straight-up asking (“Does it turn you on when I say ‘tits,’ or do you prefer another word?”) or by paying attention to how your partner talks about their body.
Phone sex is also a great time to dip into your “fantasy bank” and describe things you want to do that you’re not comfortable with doing IRL, such as role play or BDSM. And don’t forget to compliment your partner during the call—compliments can be as sexy as moans on a bad day! This will give them a feeling of pleasure that makes the session even more orgasmic. Plus, it’ll help keep the conversation going until everyone has reached their orgasms and you’re ready to hang up.
2. Be Honest
Phone Sex is just like any other sexual experience, so it’s important to be honest about what turns you on and what doesn’t. If your partner is uncomfortable with describing their desires or sharing explicit photos, you might want to consider FaceTiming instead. Likewise, if you’re not in the mood for anything sexual or if you need a bit more foreplay before getting into it, that’s okay too.
If your partner wants to explore different kinks that they typically wouldn’t discuss in person, it can be fun to play with them over the phone. For instance, if they’re usually more submissive and you’re more dominant, try swapping roles for a few minutes to see what happens.
And don’t be afraid to compliment your partner. Everyone loves a good compliment, and this can be a great way to fill in awkward silences during phone sex. For example, you could tell them how hot their lips look or that they’re really making you moan. Just make sure to be respectful and don’t make them feel self-conscious about their body.
3. Be Open to Any Outcome
While phone sex isn’t always a guaranteed turn-on for all, it can be very erotic for those who are open to it. However, it’s important to have a conversation about how you both want to engage in digital intimacy and discuss any emotional goals that may come along with it. “If you’re unsure about what to expect, it can be helpful to role play beforehand,” says Cooper, who recommends discussing set times (i.e. make sure your flatmates aren’t home or warn them to put the TV on) and a safe word, such as a sexy one like “Cocktails!”
Plus, don’t be afraid to explore new turn-on territory: Jess suggests talking about specific fantasies you want to explore or even using roleplay scenarios — for example, pretending you’re at a library or an airport while calling each other. Trying out new things can be exciting and heighten the anticipation for your next call. Plus, there’s nothing wrong with some post-phone sex cuddling! Just don’t forget the poop talk. (And, don’t send explicit photos.) The last thing you want is for your intimate images to get shared online without your consent.
4. Be Flexible
Phone Sex is a fun and kinky way to bond with someone over the phone. It can be challenging to know what to say, though. It’s important to remember that you don’t need to go full porn star — in fact, it’s better to start slow.
One way to make things more intimate is to use your imagination. For example, you can describe sexual scenarios that you’d like to experience together — things like public sex, role play, or BDSM.
It’s also a good idea to draw on your “fantasy bank” for ideas, says deLune. If you don’t know what to talk about, consider skipping open-ended questions and instead asking direct ones that will encourage a response (like “How does that feel?”). And finally, don’t worry too much about saying the right lines. Great phone sex isn’t about memorizing a few dynamite dirty lines — it’s about creating a vivid picture for your partner and being able to describe the sensations of your body in a way that makes them come alive over the phone.
5. Have Fun
Phone sex isn’t the same as physical sex, but it can still be super hot. Use it to flirt, tease and let your imagination run wild. It doesn’t have to last hours or end in an orgasm, but it can be very satisfying. “Utilizing short calls throughout the day or surprising your partner with a sexy voice message can build anticipation,” Dr. Brito suggests.
Don’t be afraid to give compliments—it can help fill in any awkward silences and makes your partner feel special. For example, telling your partner that you miss their perfect butt or how they rub their tits can make them feel turned on and want more. You can also describe specific fantasies that turn you on, but remember to ask for their consent.
And, as with any sexual activity, don’t forget to wind down. Laughing and sharing funny stories can be just as important as talking about your sexual desires. This is a great time to remind your partner that you’re both on the same team and they want what you want.